A big "right on!" to Nikki Lee. She stated that maybe we
shouldn't be so tolerant of other people's choices. I
couldn't agree with her more. By hiding behind the cloak of
"choice" people are able to make very poor decisions.
I particularly liked Ms. Lee's comment about how it galls
her to say to a mother who weans her baby at two weeks,
"Good job! You did the best you could!" As a La Leche
Leader, I have agreed to espouse La Leche League philosophy
which respects a mother's choice and experience wherever she
may be in regard to breastfeeding. And as a LLL leader, I do
just that. However, it is sometimes a major feat. From a
personal standpoint, I am not able to rally support behind a
decision to wean at two weeks. If the world were run by me,
breastfeeding would not be a choice. It would be the way
babies were fed, period. Unusual, rare, and unfortunate
circumstances would require a prescription of formula.
There's way too much political correctness and tiptoeing
around so as not to offend people, and mothers, children and
families are suffering for it. People don't want to make
others feel "guilty" for their choices. What people often
don't realize is that you cannot make someone else feel
guilty. Guilt is a feeling within a person--a feeling of
responsibility for some real or imagined offense. Guilt is
the perfect teacher. Maybe when guilt arises in a person
regarding a particular choice they have made, the next time
they make a better choice. That can't be all bad, can it?
-Dianne Oliver
====
I was enthralled reading your readers' response to the
question of choice in birth. I especially liked Nikki Lee's,
and I share her viewpoint completely.
I am president and co-founder of a not-for-profit childbirth
awareness group called CHOICES, covering all of Northwest
Indiana. Informing parents about smart consumerism and
getting them educated about all the issues is the main goal
of CHOICES (Choices in Homebirth Offering Information,
Communication, Education, and Support). But when it comes
down to it, we realize people are going to absorb only as
much as they like. Birth is a very touch and go phenomenon.
People bring a lot of baggage to the event, and as a Bradley
Method instructor I've found that sometimes people make poor
decisions regardless of all the proof, pressure, or praise I
can give. They come back to me with regrets, even though I
warned them to switch physicians, find a different hospital,
get more protein, keep hydrated, etc.
Sometimes experience is the best teacher, and we can't take
it all upon ourselves to teach lessons that others must
learn by trying and failing. I have come to comfort myself
with my faith in the Laws of Nature, or God's Way, or
whatever you want to call it. I believe that each child
comes to this world and experiences the kind of birth he/she
needs to experience, in order to evolve, learn life lessons,
whatever. It has taken many years of learning to let go, but
my letting go has brought more people to me, and opened more
minds than any amount of preaching and dire warnings.
-Sharon Thornton, AAHCC
====
"Breastfeeding Nemesis" by Susanne Colson, [excerpted in
Issue 2:15] is an article about a very important, highly
polarized issue, namely breastfeeding vs. bottle-feeding as
it plays itself out in many familiar contemporary cultures
today and in years prior. Many points she makes are so right
on; those addressing capitalism and the inevitable
overarching greed of 99.9% of those who practice it to the
detriment of mothers and babies world wide; those of the
ethical and moral poverty of the greedy ones, even to the
point of pushing products that literally don't support human
infant health and growth when perfect infant food is readily
available to all babies within their mothers' breasts; and
especially those of the woeful ignorance and apparent
irresponsibility of the medical establishment (male and
female members all) who have for years and years advocated
bottle feeding over breastfeeding (in ways subtle and
overt), and when they have taught breastfeeding have, more
often than not, done so out of a paucity of accurate
information regarding the normal physiology of human breast
milk production and the near perfection of simple
maternal-infant breastfeeding practice.
I would like to mention here, as well, a further
ramification of the breast vs. bottle controversy; that of
those mothers who prefer not to breastfeed, regardless the
amount of accurate, well understood information they may
have in favor of breastfeeding. I submit here that not all
women want to give of their bodies in terms of physically
nourishing their children. Furthermore, there are many
mothers who do not espouse the "attachment parenting" kind
of nurture when raising their children. Core issues of
physical touch and personal, physical and emotional
boundaries are highly operant, deep seeded aspects of each
human psyche. Besides, our culture, and other cultures as
well, hold up prominently such rights as a woman's right to
choose what is or is not done with and to her body by other
parties, which includes her children. These mothers also
deeply need support from mothering advocates as they give
birth and bond with their babies. We professionals may need
to ask ourselves what are our motives in our work in support
of mothers and children in birthing, breastfeeding, and
parenting? Are we lost in our beliefs about how it "should"
be done to the exclusion of the needs of so many women who
may not mirror our beliefs but are seeking the shelter of
our circle within which to enter into their motherhood? I
believe we have the best, most beautiful, effectual mindset
about birth and nurture of mothers and their young. Our
fruits are laid out lavishly for all women and their
children, wherever and however they walk, to eat or not to
eat at will. If they eat nothing at our table may we count
it an honor that they have entered in to share their life
and wisdom with us that we "all walk in [ever greater]
beauty" with grace and service.
Which brings me to my last point: some of us, perhaps
including Ms Colson, seem to expend too much or our time and
energy using the knowledge we hold and the beliefs we
espouse as forums for derisive rhetoric and divisive
agendas. Accusatory, judgmental rhetoric re: (for instance)
the arrogance of male scientists and fantasy scenarios of
their plans for women's detriment serve no constructive
purpose to our class. Are we, here, not behaving arrogantly
ourselves? I submit that such attitude serves no one but the
one who holds it. Is not our work for the wholeness of women
and babies? I am a feminist but I am not an
"anti-masculinist," and even if I were, it would not serve
my mothers to hold their male partners in such apparent
disdain. I support free speech, don't get me wrong, but I
don't believe Midwifery Today is the proper forum for
anti-male sounding, anti scientific sounding rhetoric and
religious sounding analysis of issues of women and their
children. Our most doctrinaire rhetoric should be saved for
non-professional times when we can just let it all hang out.
Professionally we must not speak of such things except in
the most gentle, professional, respectful, and objective
ways. Our clients and potential clients read our journals
and many do not espouse our feminist and possibly religious
beliefs at all. Our mothers need to be able to trust that we
deeply respect their beliefs. Birth professionals come in
close contact with their clients. I strongly believe the
deep wisdom of one of our long practicing midwives when she
spoke of our treading in close with our mothers as they
birth and nurture their children: "Stay in the humble," she
said. Therein lie our powers, strength, and confidence for
the benefit of each other and those we serve.
Submitted With respect and love,
-Raverna Wynn Stahl, RN, Doula
Seattle, WA
Editor's Note: to read "Breastfeeding Nemesis" in its
entirety, go to:
http://www.midwiferytoday.com/Library/articles/breastfeednem.html
====
Reprinted from Midwifery Today E-News (Vol 2 Issue 23 June 9, 2000)
To subscribe to the E-News write: enews@midwiferytoday.com
For all other matters contact Midwifery Today:
PO Box 2672-940, Eugene OR 97402
541-344-7438, midwifery@aol.com, Midwifery Today
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