NaturalChildbirth.org

[luckyone]

I'm 37 weeks now, and plan to birth in a freestanding birth center. My first birth was at a birth center in OK. My husband, mother, the nurse and midwife were in the room. Right outside of the room (in the family room of the Birth Center) were my in-laws, grandmother and sister.
This time, it seems like it might be just as many people, and perhaps more. I'm in favor of having two support people (though definitely see the attraction of it just being my husband, nurse and midwife in the room), but sometimes think I'd rather have fewer people at the birth center waiting in the family room/waiting room. Like, it is too much like having an audience. One of the benefits of a birth center birth is that you have a good amount of space to walk around, get a change of scenery in a different room. And obviously, in the throes of labor, you don't want to be observed or feel like you have to hold back.
Though in hindsight, I don't think I felt too interested in leaving the birthing suite itself once labor really picked up. But I do recall earlier in labor, walking a loop through the waiting room, and my MIL immediately said how beautiful I looked. That's nice of her, but I think her thought process was more like, "Oh, she looks like h***! Wait, don't say that, tell her she looks beautiful!" Anyway, I don't want my appearance critiqued one way or the other during that time.
On the other hand, I know it was a really exciting experience for everyone out in the family room when they heard my daughter was finally born. And I was thankful that they cared enough to be there. My mother, grandmother and sister had flown from PA to OK to be there, so there was no way I'd tell them to stay away. Plus my mother's presence, especially, was invaluable. She's a good, strong, calming presence, and she's had four natural childbirths. And my in-laws were about to lose us to PA because my husband had just gotten a job there. So I felt sorta obligated to include them as much as possible before we left.
This time, living in PA, my dad, brother, grandmother, mom, daughter, sister and her husband (they will be having their first baby at the same birth center in Sept., so I'm happy to help them get their feet wet with the whole birth experience.) will likely be there, though just my sis and/or mom in the room. And DH, of course. My due date is June 5/6, and my in-laws are scheduled to fly in to visit for a week on the 12th. So it's possible that they'd be there, too.
I guess my point is that I feel torn. I would like to share this jubilant, exciting time with my family members, and I also think a quiet, intimate birth is very appealing, too.
What do y'all think? Also interested in those who have hospital births or home births, what have you chosen as far as "guidelines" for your family about who would be there while you labor. Or did you just let it happen and leave the choice up to everyone else? I know one couple who said they didn't want visitors until they left the hospital. I can definitely see that.
I know this was long and ramble-y, so thanks for letting me think "out loud", and thanks for sharing any thoughts you have, as well.

[Lindsey]

I would have a hard time relaxing and enjoying the birth if I knew there were people waiting in the waiting room. I would feel pressure to have the baby quickly and let them see the baby immediately. With both of my births, my husband was the only loved one in the delivery room with me and we called our families about an hour after the birth so they could come see the baby. We wanted to bond together as a new family and relax a little before visitors started to trickle in. Our families knew we were at the hospital having the baby. They were fine with us telling them when to visit after the baby arrived.

[CFLhomeschooler]

This is something very personal and differs from person to person. It is your birth and it all comes down to what you are comfortable with. If you don't want a crew, then don't have a crew. If you want 40 people there then have them. Personally, I find my MIL more helpful than my mom while I'm in labor, and my mom more helpful than my MIL after labor... My point is that it doesn't matter what all of us want for our labors... What do YOU want for YOURS?
_________________
Child of God my king, wife of a wonderful husband, and mother of 4!

Marital conflict is not husband vs. wife, but husband and wife vs. our common enemy.

[luckyone]

That's what I'm trying to decide, Charlotte!

[CFLhomeschooler]

I get ya. I found that what I wanted changed along with the circumstances of each birth. My first birth we were all really excited and so many people were there.... Even my brother was at the edge of the room behind a curtain! The second time was just my husband, our moms, and my doula... and our moms were both out of the room at the actual birth. The third time I wanted a lot more privacy. This was our first birth out of the hospital. It was my midwife, husband, and MIL. My mom was late and I was glad- it was a rougher birth and watching me go through that would have been really upsetting for her. I thought I didn't want my MIL there either, but she was there for the last 2 hours and I was glad she was there after all. My fourth birth, we have been thinking could be our last. So we were back to a big crowd. My eldest was there... she was 7 years old. My grandmother, who had been put in that twilight sleep when she had here two kids, I really wanted there. She ended up cutting the cord.
_________________
Child of God my king, wife of a wonderful husband, and mother of 4!

Marital conflict is not husband vs. wife, but husband and wife vs. our common enemy.

[rbeth78]

We didn't have a crew with our first or second. Just hubby & my mom.

With this one most likely being our last, we have decided to open up the delivery room to my sister, mil, sil, and our daughter, who will be 9.

[swede]

(Hi, Rbeth!)

Before my daughter was born in Feb, I watched all the homebirth videos I could get my hands on. I remember watching one in which the mom had, like, nine people over while she was in labor. It stressed me out just to watch it on the video, so I knew then that having hubby and my midwife there would be all the people I could handle.

Of course, whenever I'm uncomfortable to that degree, I go into wounded animal mode. I don't want to be touched, spoken to, or disturbed until I'm feeling better.

[PixieMomma]

I actually invited a lot of people over to my house for my homebirth. However, due to how fast the baby came, the only people present were my husband, sister and her boyfriend. Even the midwives missed the birth. However, immediately following the birth, a whole herd of people arrived. Somehow, I managed to go into labor on the day my "surprise" baby shower was scheduled to happen. It was a lot of fun with everyone getting to see the brand new baby.

[rbeth78]

What a "surprise" for everyone else, huh?! That's great!

[luckyone]

Alright, I've decided to have it be just my husband and sister there at the birth center. We'll call the rest of the family after the baby is born, once I'm feeling up to it, and once we've had some time with just us and the baby. My mom was the only one I was worried about not understanding. (Well, and if this baby hangs on until June 12 when my in-laws fly in from OK.) She is really really helpful in the room, but is also the best candidate to take care of our daughter. And she was saying she wanted to bring her to the birth center when we thought we were getting close to having the baby. But I don't really want her anywhere within earshot of my delivery. She is very sensitive, and if I even tell her I have a headache, she'll say, "NO, mommy, you DON'T have a headache!". She just can't bear to see me upset or having pain. Anyway, my mom understood and was totally fine with it, and pointed out that my father was the only one there at the hospital with her.
Now, my sister will be my secondary support person, and she's having her first baby at the same birth center in Sept. She's very excited (she's very type-A) and almost cheerleaderish right now! Any suggestions for very kindly asking her to calm down and be relaxed? I suppose I could say just that...

[Alison]

You might want to give her a copy of "The Birth Partner" so that she can read up on positive ways to help a woman through labor. It might serve her type-A personality to have a list of helpful things to do/say.

I know I'm late coming into this discussion, but I had a crowd for my first, second, and third. When I had my fourth, I decided that I didn't want to crowd. As it turned out, the baby even beat the midwife so it was just me, my husband, and our then-7 year old son. Fifth baby, turned out much the same way (very fast labors) except it was my husband, then-10 year old son and then-7 year old daughter. Sixth baby, I told my midwives that even if they arrived in time (they did!) I might not let them in my room. They were cool about that, but in the end, I had them right beside me through the end of 1st stage and throughout 2nd stage. That time, it was my husband, then-13 year old son, then-10 year old daughter, and Pam and Sue the midwives. My other kids decided they'd rather be watching PBS Kids than to watch the baby be born.
_________________
"The truth shall set you free, but first it will make you mad."

"And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom"

[CFLhomeschooler]

OK, So I'm so the opposite of techno savvy I have no clue how to quote....
but...
Alison's little ones wanting to watch PBSkids instead of her birth is so funny!
_________________
Child of God my king, wife of a wonderful husband, and mother of 4!

Marital conflict is not husband vs. wife, but husband and wife vs. our common enemy.